When I first found out I was pregnant, one of the first few things that I did was find a photographer. I knew this was such an important time in my life and that I wanted to hire someone who’s style and photography I loved. I knew I had a budget to stay within (the bane of my existence), so I did some major digging to find the perfect photographer who was experienced in maternity/birth photography, had a style that matched mine, and also fit within my budget. I was so stoked when I stumbled upon Makenna! She checked all of the boxes and I could not have found her at a better time!
This past weekend, we were completely showered with love as we had our baby shower. We were given the absolute best start to our little family. Surrounded by friends and family, we celebrated our little Bubba Boy! There is not enough gratitude in the world to express how we are feeling after this weekend.
So when planning the baby shower, we (Ruben and I) had decided that the baby shower was going to be a girls only thing. It’s just not in his nature to go to these things. Call it whatever you want, but that’s just how he was raised. Baby shower’s are for the mama and her friends and dad goes and does his thing during the meantime. When we told our friends, a few of the guys (really, mostly just Jaime) was so disappointed. So we decided to do a small co-ed baby shower with our closest friends only.
Ivette and Celeste (seriously the best friends ever) volunteered to host and plan the whole thing and they seriously did such an incredible job. I’m kicking myself in the butt for not taking more pictures because it was SO CUTE! It was “Tea Party” themed and they had the cutest set up on the table with toast and jams and jellies and avocados and everything your tea part heart could desire! And then they had another table with drinks and doughnuts and animal crackers and cupcakes! And they also had a station where you could write “Midnight Messages” on diapers for us to read when we are changing diapers at midnight. It was so cute! They seriously went all out and I was blown away. When they had first mentioned it, I for sure thought this was going to be a casual thing that we just played a few baby games at someone’s house. But it was full-on baby shower! I walked in and got a little emotional seeing all the prep that they had done for everything and for me and Ruben.
It was a small gathering (and some came and went when they needed, which is totally fine), but it was perfect. It was our regular group of friends; Moni, Whit and their beautiful baby girl Kaiila; Phil (and Ulu was at work and we missed her like crazy); and Mariah. It was so perfect. We sat down and ate and caught up on life and talked about babies and everything. Then it was time for games.
They had the best games ever! The first was just a word scramble game and Jan kicked all of our trash! Then we did a “Guess the Waist” measurement game. It was hilarious seeing how everyone overestimated me AND Ruben, but Jan and Kamalu killed it! They were within like an inch or two of BOTH of our measurements and I was so surprised! It was just hilarious seeing how big everyone thought I was though! I couldn’t stop laughing! I mean, I’m big and getting bigger every day, but dang! hahaha Then we did a game where the husband’s had to multi-task. The wives went in another room and the husband’s had to hold the “baby” (aka a shark/dolphin plush) and hang up clothes on a clothesline and then we called them and they had to get their phones out of their pockets, answer (couldn’t be on speaker) and still hang up clothes and see who could do it the fastest. That was hilarious watching people struggle and I loved that one. After that, we did the best game of the night! It was called “Just Roll with It” or something (from the movie Just Go With It with Adam Sandler) and a few couples went up and had to roll an orange from their bellies up their bodies and into their mouths without using hands and while both of them touched it the whole time. I haven’t laughed so hard! It was hilarious to watch and even Whit (who was one of the couples playing) couldn’t even focus enough to stop laughing at how ridiculous it all was! It looked sooo inappropriate and hilarious and I wish I could post those videos, but I’ll keep those to the group. It was seriously the funniest thing ever! And then the last game of the night was where someone had to put a balloon under their shirt and then tie their shoes and we saw who could do it the fastest. They all made it look so easy! I am seriously loosing the ability to even put on socks or take them off at the end of the day, so I was shook with how easy (especially the boys) made it look and how quickly they did it!
As we cleaned up, we decided to not let the helium balloons go to waste and suck the helium and it was hilarious watching and listening to everyone do it! We couldn’t stop laughing because Ruben’s voice (when he finally got enough helium) was SO HIGH and it took us all by surprise! I don’t know why helium is so friggin’ hilarious, but it is and I love it so much! Oh, and we got the cutest gifts from our friends! We got loads of books for bubba’s, Ivette got us “clean” baby products (if you’re an expecting mom, follow @just.ingredients and be shook by the crazy chemicals and substances they put in most baby products… hate to be that person, but i’m slowly switching us to organic over this caca), and we got toys for baby too!
We honestly did not expect anything. We just expected a fun night of baby related games with our friends who are closest to us. But seeing how much everyone cared (from showing up, to decorating and hosting, to playing games, to giving us presents) was so huge. I get a little emotional thinking about it because we seriously have the BEST support system out here. We felt so loved and I know that our little Bubba Boy is so insanely loved as well. We were all spoiled and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to have our friends that we do. You know how they say “it takes a village” to raise children? Well, we’re lucky enough to have the best village around. I’m 100% sure that we hit the jackpot with friends who love and support us through everything and I can’t wait for Bubba to feel the love for himself when he makes his big debut!
I promised myself when I started this blog that it would not just be a highlight of my life. But that I would also share the hard things as well. So here I am. Writing all the hard things and the scary things that I’ve been facing lately.
When we found out we were pregnant, I cried SO MUCH! I was so elated because this is what we have wanted for so long and I was honestly beginning to think that I was not going to be able to get pregnant on my own (which isn’t a bad thing, it just wasn’t what I had thought and planned on and had been a fear of mine since I was like 13). But shortly after, and several times since, my mind has filled with complete anxiety.
2019 was already going to be a big year for us. Ruben was going to graduate, I was going to (hopefully) graduate as well, and we were going to move for law school (depending on if/where we got in). While finding out I was pregnant added to all the joy and excitement of all of these changes, it also added to the scariness of it all.
I’m not the biggest fan of change. While I can normally accept change when I’m prepared for it, it’s just so much changing in such a short amount of time. We’ll be graduating in April; three days later, Ruben will be leaving to Brazil and won’t be back until 2 weeks before baby’s due date; we’ll be having baby; I’ll be going back to work one month after baby’s arrival; and then one short month later we might be moving (depending on where Ruben decides to attend law school) not just in general, but out of state!
While all of this is exactly what we have wanted and prayed for for so long and we are so looking forward to every part of this, it’s just A LOT. While we have been preparing for all of this and known that all this change is coming for months, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying that it’s getting so close. Because almost all of this is stuff that we can prepare for, take classes for, read books and blogs and watch Youtube videos on, but actually living it and everything will be something else. Something that no amount of preparation will actually prepare us for. And it’s scary.
A few weeks ago, we turned in Ruben’s applications for law school and I was equally filled with pure anxiety and also nervous excitement. That was like the first big step towards all these big changes that we’ve been anticipating and it just made it all more real and just reminded me that these things are no longer just things that we’re talking about, but things that are really happening. I am having a baby. Our lives are going to change when baby gets here. We will be going to law school and we have no idea where. We really could be moving in just a few short months with a 2 month old baby in tote.
And I guess I’m here to just say a few things. The first is that excitement and fear can coexist. And it’s messy. And it’s okay if they coexist and you don’t feel peace about it. I’m still learning how to let them coexist within me and let them each have their moments and not feel bad about having anxiety and fear about these good changes that are coming up. I don’t want to ignore either feeling. I want to give myself the space and the time to feel utterly anxious about the future, but I don’t want to dwell there. I’m learning to accept those feelings of nervousness/anxiety and let them be real and raw, but to remind myself of the blessings and remind myself of the happiness and choose to focus on the happiness. Like I said, it’s messy. All of it. And I’m not sure it will ever not be messy. But I’m here for it. All of it!