This year was big for our family. Ruben and I weren’t the only one’s who graduated, my brother did too! It was so fun to have my family in town for two weekends in a row to celebrate us graduating!
I promised myself when I started this blog that it would not just be a highlight of my life. But that I would also share the hard things as well. So here I am. Writing all the hard things and the scary things that I’ve been facing lately.
When we found out we were pregnant, I cried SO MUCH! I was so elated because this is what we have wanted for so long and I was honestly beginning to think that I was not going to be able to get pregnant on my own (which isn’t a bad thing, it just wasn’t what I had thought and planned on and had been a fear of mine since I was like 13). But shortly after, and several times since, my mind has filled with complete anxiety.
2019 was already going to be a big year for us. Ruben was going to graduate, I was going to (hopefully) graduate as well, and we were going to move for law school (depending on if/where we got in). While finding out I was pregnant added to all the joy and excitement of all of these changes, it also added to the scariness of it all.
I’m not the biggest fan of change. While I can normally accept change when I’m prepared for it, it’s just so much changing in such a short amount of time. We’ll be graduating in April; three days later, Ruben will be leaving to Brazil and won’t be back until 2 weeks before baby’s due date; we’ll be having baby; I’ll be going back to work one month after baby’s arrival; and then one short month later we might be moving (depending on where Ruben decides to attend law school) not just in general, but out of state!
While all of this is exactly what we have wanted and prayed for for so long and we are so looking forward to every part of this, it’s just A LOT. While we have been preparing for all of this and known that all this change is coming for months, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying that it’s getting so close. Because almost all of this is stuff that we can prepare for, take classes for, read books and blogs and watch Youtube videos on, but actually living it and everything will be something else. Something that no amount of preparation will actually prepare us for. And it’s scary.
A few weeks ago, we turned in Ruben’s applications for law school and I was equally filled with pure anxiety and also nervous excitement. That was like the first big step towards all these big changes that we’ve been anticipating and it just made it all more real and just reminded me that these things are no longer just things that we’re talking about, but things that are really happening. I am having a baby. Our lives are going to change when baby gets here. We will be going to law school and we have no idea where. We really could be moving in just a few short months with a 2 month old baby in tote.
And I guess I’m here to just say a few things. The first is that excitement and fear can coexist. And it’s messy. And it’s okay if they coexist and you don’t feel peace about it. I’m still learning how to let them coexist within me and let them each have their moments and not feel bad about having anxiety and fear about these good changes that are coming up. I don’t want to ignore either feeling. I want to give myself the space and the time to feel utterly anxious about the future, but I don’t want to dwell there. I’m learning to accept those feelings of nervousness/anxiety and let them be real and raw, but to remind myself of the blessings and remind myself of the happiness and choose to focus on the happiness. Like I said, it’s messy. All of it. And I’m not sure it will ever not be messy. But I’m here for it. All of it!
Okay, this was one of the best Valentines Day’s ever! I love me a day to spoil my man!!
I started the day nice and early and got up to make my man his favorite - biscuits and gravy. We, luckily, had the morning off because he didn’t have classes and I had the morning off because we had an OBGYN appointment.So it was nice to have time to make breakfast, sit down and eat it, and just enjoy the morning instead of trying to rush to get me to the train on time!
After breakfast, we went to our OBGYN appointment. It was quick, but I’ll take any chance that I can get to hear my Bubba Boy’s heart beat. I live for his little kicks and heart beat. After that, I had to head into work for the day. Luckily, it flew by and before I knew it, I was off and headed to the next thing.
We had planned on dinner and Top Golf with our friends. And since we were going to be up in Salt Lake, we decided to try and do Cheesecake Factory (I know… we’re THOSE crazy people).. We were told that if we got there early enough, the wait for 8 people would be about 2 hours… WRONG! We got there at like 5:10 and it took 20 minutes just to get our names on the list. And once we FINALLY got up to the front, they were like “Your wait is going to be 4 hours. I would plan on eating at like 9:30” HUH?!?!??! EXCUSE ME. HOW ABOUT NO. I was flabbergasted! Holy crap! I mean, I knew it was going to be busy and I was fully prepared for two hours of a wait. But FOUR HOURS?! HECKKKKK NO! Luckily, Macaroni Grill was just across the way and hardly as busy. Jan got our names on the list there and we were seated about an hour later. And our waiter was the best! He brought a loaf of bread per couple and just kept the bread coming and it was soooo good! I was honestly so happy that we were able to eat there over Cheesecake Factory and it ended up being the perfect dinner.
After dinner, we went to Top Golf. Your girl was craving ice cream, so she ordered a sundae as SOON (like literally the second) we sat down. And I was surely not disappointed! lol. We only did an hour of golfing at Top Golf, but it was really fun and hilarious to watch everyone! The best was watching the boys at the very end. We had like 1:30 left and they decided to start a new game and see how quickly they could do it. It was hilarious watching them rush through and hit the ball and just try their best! I couldn’t stop laughing.
When we got home (so late), Ruben had gotten me the most beautiful bouquet from my favorite flower shop, Fox Glove. They had all my favorite things in there and I’m still so obsessed with it! Honestly, it was the perfect Valentines Day spent with our favorite people. It was one I won’t forget anytime soon and I’m so glad we were blessed with the best friends to make these kinds of memories with. With the possibility of moving getting closer, it’s sad to think we might move away from them. They are the kindest, most hilarious, best group of friends ever. I know I’ve said that like 132049 times in this post and past ones as well, but I don’t even care. I never want to forget these friendships.
I feel like all I do is talk pregnancy, so I wanted to try and update maybe a little on the pregnancy, but also on other happenings in our lives.
Let’s see. Well a huge change has been that my brother, Michael, moved to Florida this month. It was a hugely last minute decision, but one that will ultimately be better for him in the long run. He has been busting butt to become a DJ and music producer. But not like your typical wedding DJ, but like the headliners at the Electric Forrest and what not! He decided to move to Orlando to chase his dream and I’m stoked for him but it’s just wild that he’s not just not in Utah, but he’s at the other end of the country! We had a family dinner with him to say goodbye and for him to break the news lol. It’s just all so crazy!
Another huge thing was we had a big ol’ family weekend when Living Legends had their show at the beginning of February. It was crazy and exhausting juggling everyone, but we did it and I think we did it well! My mom drove into town on Thursday and Aubrey came over and we all ate and caught up on life while Ruben was at rehearsal. On Friday, I had to go to work all day, but luckily I was able to get off early. I got off and my mom picked me up from the train and we met up with my brother for dinner. After dinner, we went and watched Ruben perform in his show. It was really funny because I had bought tickets for my mom last year and Ruben bought his for his family like… 2 months later, but somehow when we went to find our seats, we found us all sitting not just close - but in the same row right next to each other! It was the greatest!
I have always loved watching Ruben perform, but it’s gotten that much better lately because Bubba Boy LOVES to watch his dad perform. He dances along for like 60% of the show and it’s the best feeling him dance along in my tummy! After the show it was really fun because everyone (Ruben’s parents, sister and her kids, and Michael and his girlfriend) came to our house for blizzard cake and it was really fun just having everyone all together and eating good food in the house!
On Saturday, we met up with all of our friends for breakfast at Joe’s Cafe. It was chaos getting everyone to fit and ordering for everyone, but it was so good to catch up with everyone. Afterwards, I had a few hours to chill, so I took a nap, took a bath, painted my nails and got ready. Then I hit up Costco with Ruben’s parents. I couldn’t stop laughing because his parents wanted to buy EVERYTHING just because it was on sale! There were things that Ruben and I had bought just a week before from Costco, so we surely didn’t need anymore, but they were like “Are you sure? It’s on sale!” I caved on some things, but couldn’t stop laughing the entire time! We then met up with Ruben between his shows to grab some dinner. Then it was time for the evening show. It was the alumni performance, so friends from past years of Legends were there and it was so good to see everyone and catch up! I felt like my mom talking to so many people and just being a little social butterfly the whole time! That night, we just came home and waited for Ruben to finish cleaning and packing his show.
Sunday morning, Ruben and I had breakfast with my mom before we headed off to church and she headed off to home. Michael was going snowboarding with friends that day and Aubrey had work, so it was just us. It was small and quick, but it was good to spend a few final minutes with my mom before she left. All of our friends were at church this day and it seriously felt SO GOOD to have everyone together. I love our friends so dang much. Seriously, we got so dang blessed with the best friends! It was a quick visit from everyone, but it was the best and I’m so glad we got to see everyone.
Lastly, Ruben and I “KonMarie”’d our life. If you haven’t watched the show “Tidying Up” on Netflix, you’re missing out. It’s so satisfying to see the before and afters. Ruben and I did this when we were first married like 2.5 years ago because I had heard of the KonMarie method and her book and bought it and read it and watched Youtube tutorials on how to fold clothes. We spent a whole Saturday going through literally everything and we ended up getting rid of so much stuff. We haven’t done it since; but after watching the show and watching all of our friends do it to their lives we knew we wanted to do it again. We had actually been talking about it for a few months, how we really needed to go through and do it again especially with baby on the way, but it was really the show and watching everyone else that finally pushed us to do it again. We took two days to do it. We spent the first day doing our room and our bathroom and finishing that was such a relief. It was seriously so refreshing walking into our room and just feeling how organized it all was! And we made enough room in our drawers to give an entire dresser to Bubba and transfer to his nursery! Ruben took care of a few things (like our busy coffee table and our laundry room) the next day. And then on Monday (since we had the day off), we went HAM on our guest room, the kitchen, and the front closet. It felt like it was never going to end and neither of us was really in the mood to do any more cleaning, but finally seeing everything clean and organized and so much less clutter and crap was so worth it! We ended up getting rid of two bags of clothes, a bunch of games, and throwing away like 6 bags of garbage. It was a PROCESS, but it feels good to get rid of so much junk and know that we have so much room for Bubba. I know we’re going to have to keep doing this periodically, but it’s fine. If you haven’t, you should really think about doing this! It truly is life changing. The weight you feel lifted off your shoulders is 10/10. Seriously. Just do it!